i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
