I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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