If that was your dad, he is hot
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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