If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
