Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
