I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
