My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
