i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
