It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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