If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
