i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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