I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
