I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize