Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
