i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
