There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
