I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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