Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
