my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
