Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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