So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
