Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
