I CAN MOONWALK!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
