i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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