i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
