You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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