one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
