so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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