Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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