I got chris browned last night
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
