I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
