I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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