i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
