I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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