on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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