Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
