Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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