im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
