They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
