My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I need to sanitize my soul.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
