So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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