I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
