I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
