Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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