Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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