I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
