Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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