I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize