The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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