Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
