I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
