I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
