Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
