I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Can I color on your dick again?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
