I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
