Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
