on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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