Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
