I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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