Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
