All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
