she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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