it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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