I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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