you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
