if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
