She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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