So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize