Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
