pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
