He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You don't make any sense
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