Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
