Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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