If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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