it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
