Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
