I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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