He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
where are my eyebrows?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
