I wannas sexs uuuuu
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
