I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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