Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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