I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Did we literally take a cab across the street
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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