where am i from again
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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