Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
