Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
