What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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