I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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