Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
the condom got lost in my hair
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
