did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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