Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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