Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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