the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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