sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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